Monday, 23 November 2009
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The Choice
I will preface this by stating plainly and clearly that I am Pro-Life or you may choose to call me Anti-Choice as this label will brand me as the antagonists thus making it easier to disregard anything I have to say. I just thought I’d put a little different spin on how I see the ability to bear a child as a gift not to be taken for granted just because the law allows the right of choice.
The entitlement of women who get to make all the choices regarding childbirth are due to circumstances surrounding reproduction. What are these circumstances?
Human Gestation Takes 9 Months We as women have the benefit of deciding to end a pregnancy for the simple fact that the human gestation cycle typically requires 9 months and not just the 24 hours it takes for the common house fly.
Our Incubator Status Biology dictates that the woman house the developing baby so in our natural role we have the power to deny the equally important contributor to the process his position as a parent and yet we can demand that this same source pay child support should we decide otherwise.
Mathematics A woman is born with, yes born with approximately - 1 to 2 million immature eggs and will ovulate approximately 400 times in her life
Freedom of Speech Of course this is more about perception but we do get to decide when to declare the life within our womb just a mass of cells, but can later refer to that same and equally developed mass of cells as "the baby" while proudly patting our expanding bellies.
Would we reconsider our position if the circumstances were different?
Say men carried the baby and could tell you, "sorry, I'm just not ready to have a baby" or "I’m having this baby whether you want it or not and my lawyer will contact you to arrange monthly support payments."
What if you were not allowed to call the life growing inside you "the baby" until it was capable of living outside your body. That might make the 4th and 5th month milestones a little less exciting wearing your maternity t-shirt with the words "Fetus on Board"
Would you be a little more inclined to use sound birth control methods or dare I say practice abstinence if only 24 hours later you could be lying in a maternity ward, screaming for an epidural, And what if you only had 20 eggs and never knew when or if you would be able to conceive again?We as women are given a profound and wonderful gift, to carry life inside of us, to enjoy the months before we meet our baby while we make the announcement to family and friends, plan a beautiful nursery and celebrate our expanding belly through all of it’s stages. We should not take for granted these extraordinary set of circumstances and should treat them as a privilege rather than an endless resource to tap into solely because we have been given the right to choose.
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Comments (35)
I'll be back to comment when I don't have a baby on my boob :P
@MsKittyCatty@xanga - Thank You!!! It has been made much easier with government sanctioning the process in the form of law but I can't help but wonder if some of these women think about it much later in life and imagine what might have been if.....
@AbsolutelyNormalChaos61308@xanga - Ha Ha I look forward to it. :)
@P1AutismMom - I saw a tv show once, I don't remember much of it, but it was about women who had aborted and regreted it. It was years and years later and they still held enormous guilt and sadness on their shoulders. Some had been told by their "impregnator" to abort, and listened to them and didn't even stay with the guy. I probably don't remember too much of the show b/c it was too sad.
@MsKittyCatty@xanga - A friend of mine who is pro-choice told me she had secretly had an abortion at the age of 13 because her boyfriend wanted her to. The way in which she brought it up was by saying "I could have a 17 year old right now if I had not had an abortion" I was not only stunned that she told me this but the manner in the way she did it. I literally did not know what to say but I was sympathetic because I knew she was hurting.
@P1AutismMom - Wow... I wouldn't have known what to say either...
A baby in 24 hours~ I wonder what kind of impact it would have.
@WildWomanOfTheWest@xanga - I'm guessing HUGE
It all depends on when you think lifes begin. My culture believe that life begin when the baby is out of the womb, some believe life start when the egg is fertile. So for those (including myself) that think life begin inside a woman's womb, abortion is no different than murdering your own child. However, if there is a certainty that its life threathen for either mom or the baby, I think abortion is reasonable. God gives us a heart to do the right choice in life, people should ask their heart before doing an abortion, I have not met one woman think abortion is easy. As a man, I can't bear child and I wouldn't want to (lol, it's painful), but I respect my wife when making decision and be as supportive as I can.
@WildWomanOfTheWest@xanga - same way as cockroach feel about their offsprings. yea... they care less lol
@ChromosomePlus1@xanga - If there is a true medical condition which endangers the life of the mother that is a medical issue vs a convenience issue. I just have a hard time believing that after the 3rd abortion a woman does not understand what is causing her to become pregnant and if it so emotionally draining the first and second time why would you allow the possibility of a 3rd time. Believe me, it happens more often than you would like to believe. When I was a teenager I knew a family with 4 girls and 2 of them had multiple abortions. When the oldest girl decided to keep the 4th pregnancy I really could not celebrate her enthusiasm.
I am pro-choice, anti-abortion. It sounds like the biggest oxymoron, I know. I got pregnant at 16 because I was irresponsible and made the decision to have unprotected sex, abortion was a very *real* option for me, but something I NEVER considered. A year prior to this, I was raped by someone from my High School, and at that point plan-B wasn't very main stream.. I don't even know if it existed. In my heart, I knew if I would have become pregnant as a result of the rape, I still would not have been able to get an abortion. I was fortunate not to get pregnant as a result of the rape, so I did not have to seriously consider that option. I'm the kind of person who wouldn't have been able to get an abortion.. I know there are so many loving parents who so badly want a baby and can't have one of their own..
Now.. I do believe that other women in the situation of a rape or incestuous situation may feel differently and not be able to emotionally be able to handle a pregnancy. I also believe that certain situations that put mom's health in danger is another scenario where some women should be able to make the choice to abort their baby (I don't agree with it, however.)Also, as horrible as it sounds, I have seen so many cases on the news of children (#6 of 7 or something ridiculous like that) who have been beaten to death, or found dead with cigarette burns all over their tiny bodies, etc... and I feel like those mom's should also have the option of having an abortion. As horrible as it is to think of anyone taking the life of a poor, innocent baby.. I also don't want any child to endure years of torture at the hands of extremely mentally ill parents who think it's okay to beat, molest, and otherwise torture their child for years because they ultimately never wanted them..
Every woman I've ever talked to who's had an abortion, has regretted it. Every. Single. One. I would never make that choice, and I don't think I would be able to support ANYONE around me if they decided to make that choice.
I don't think abortions should be used as birth control. I think that women need to accept responsibility for their actions and not just be completely promiscuous, having multiple abortions, and thinking nothing of it. I don't think women should be able to terminate because their child has DS, or Spina Bifida, or other 'abnormalities.' Unfortunately, there is no way to create such rules... but wouldn't it be nice? What it comes down to for ME, personally is that abortion is wrong... but there are certain scenarios that I don't believe we can pass judgement on because we haven't been there..
Great post! :)
Sorry for the novel. lol. I didn't realize I'd written so much!
@AbsolutelyNormalChaos61308@xanga - It's the large font I use. You are welcome to post as long a comment you feel you want to.
I am so sorry for what happened to you. The fear alone combined with the anxiety over a possible pregnancy had to be a lot to bear. I applaud you for becoming such a well grounded individual in spite of this horrible event. I have a whole other blog to post on those that would perpetrate such a violation against another human being.
I appreciate your comments and agree wholeheartedly that there are circumstances where there should be an exception but unfortunately it has become the rule and as we know, a form of birth control for some women.
The abuse issue is one that I would approach with sterilization because like those that would rape a child I feel that such heinous abuse as you described should cause one to forfeit their right to ever reproduce another victim again. If they were committed to jail or a mental hospital as they should be for a life sentence, they would not have the ability to become pregnant again so that would solve that problem but that‘s another blog.
You make some good and valid points. In a perfect world, I believe we'd all be pro-life...there wouldn't even be an argument.
I've...just seen too much... I've had my birth control fail. I've seen parents guilt their children into keeping babies that would have been better off put up for a adoption or, in a few cases, terminated before brain waves begun rather than being abused and/or killed months or years after birth. I might even be pro-life if we did give birth 24 hours after conception; you could call out of work for a day and put that child up for adoption without facing judgement by family, friends, co-workers, and strangers alike.
Along the way with Megan, we considered all options. I couldn't do abortion myself. I spent the first 4+ months of my pregnancy unsure of whether we should keep her or let one of the nice families we'd seen online adopt her. I had morning sickness something fierce; there was no hiding the fact that I was pregnant, so my co-workers knew about the same time I did. (6 weeks) They were all "so happy" for me and all just assumed that we would keep the baby, I could just picture the looks of horror on their faces if I'd told them we were thinking of giving her up. One customer went on and on about what a 'miracle' it was and how she just couldn't see how some people could just "give away" their babies...and...for all the crap that I've been through in my rather short life, that was one the worst times...rivaled only by last December when I held a sleeping Megan while we couldn't even afford food and bawled my eyes out, whispering apologies to her for not being strong enough to give her to the nice family with the doctor's salary, big house and horses that we'd seen online.
At the end of the day, Tim and I both love Megan Elizabeth more than anything else and we're glad we chose this route. The question then becomes should everyone have to take this road or choose between this road and adoption? I cannot say, "Yes, always." and feel good about it. Abstinence, for any number of reasons, just doesn't seem to work...I'd be lying if I said I didn't "get" it... Tim and I couldn't handle another child and yet sex is still a big part of our relationship. (We use condoms, the most cost effective solution for the moment, but those are more likely to fail than the pill; which failed when Megan was conceived.) It just...feels like a call that I can't make for someone else, there are too many variables... So, I remain pro-choice.
@AbsolutelyNormalChaos61308@xanga - On the point of parents' abuse of the unwanted children, you worded it so much better than I could & I couldn't agree more! That's 98% of why I'm pro-choice.
@P1AutismMom - If only we could sterilize people like that then THAT would be an even better option. I don't think we will see that as an option, though. Not in our lifetime, anyways.
@filtered_sunlight@momaroo - Thank you! It was hard to put into words.. but I tried as hard as I could and hoped it would make sense. lol.
@filtered_sunlight@momaroo - That was a beautiful story!!! I appreciate that you shared this with me and the rest of the xanga world
We all have our life experiences that shape our views and this is what makes us who we are. When Bill and I were married we had agreed that we would not have children but when I became pregnant with Brian 8 years later there was no question in my mind that I was going to have a baby. It's just how I believe and how I had to trust and have faith that God was in control of the situation and I just needed to open my heart and prepare for a life changing experience.
I think we all agree that choice is turning into something it was not intended to be when the laws were passed to grant a woman reproductive rights. And for all the cries for more sex education which has increased from virtually non-existent when I was a kid to a very early start in elementary health it seems to have been for not now that the rate of teen pregnancy and STDs are out of control.
Adoption is more widely excepted nowadays and having two sisters who have gone through the process I know there are plenty of couples waiting for the opportunity to become parents. Children should not be raising children and likewise should not be having sex. I don’t know what the reason is to why girls feel so little respect for themselves that they take such an intimate act so casually only to be torn apart emotionally. We know that women approach sex much differently than men whether they try to act cool about it or not.
Is it the lack of fathers in the household, the absence of parenting because those in charge are too involved in their own drama to take a look at what their children are going through and what their needs are? I don’t know but there needs to be a shift in attitude at some point. There is a generation of lost souls growing out of adolescents into adulthood, ill equipped to handle what lies ahead. It saddens and scares me.
I’ve gone off topic but there is a connection. I wish we could flip a switch and solve just one set of problems but the trajectory is such that a turnabout seems unlikely and we are unfortunately seeing the cost and the price is being paid by the most innocent.
I really do appreciate your comments and I am so glad you shared your views and although we do not agree on everything I can still say I respect you and appreciate your friendship all be it limited to the comments section on xanga
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@P1AutismMom - And I do agree on a lot of the pro-life points...it is crap that some women use it as a form of birth control and unnecessary (non-life-threatening) late-term abortions and partial-birth abortions should be put to an end. (None of which my brain was functioning enough to add to the first comment...which turned into a novel all it's own anyway. LOL)
I respect you as well and I'm glad we're Xanga buds!
Now...about those cookies... 
@filtered_sunlight@momaroo - Yum!!, Cookies LOL, Just give me the diameter measurement of your head, your address and I will send you a chocolate chip cookie to rival Megan's ASAP.
Much like April and Kari; I am pro choice, anti abortion. For me, it simply isn't an option. I can't imagine a world without Emily and yet I realize that 9 out of 10 people would choose termination rather than raise a child like her. It saddens me on many levels.
I will just say "ditto" to Kari's comment. She worded it beautifully and I am too mind fuddled to do any better. LOL
@filtered_sunlight@momaroo - You do know that I can just stroll on over to her house and have cookies in her kitchen?
I'm very against abortions. VERY. And that made it terribly hard for me when someone very close to me told me she'd had an abortion a year or so earlier. How was I to relate to her that I loved her anyway while not pushing my personal views of abortion? What's the best way to deal with that? What am I saying to people who I don't know have had an abortion - and regret it already- when I go off on my own views of it? How does that make them feel about themselves now?